Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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