WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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