was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
