My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
