at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
