it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
