he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
