When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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