I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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