I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
