Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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