Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
