i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
