her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
