So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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