I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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