I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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