Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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