you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
