Cold hands, warm shart.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
