we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
