no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
