we have officially lost it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
