Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
