Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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