Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
