nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
