if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
