after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
