Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
