Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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