If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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