It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
