the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
