sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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