He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
