then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
