the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
