i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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