I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
