you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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