Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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