So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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