I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My ass is underappreciated
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
