if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
