from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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