i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
