apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We have started to decorate penises.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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