it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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