I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
