If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
