I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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