I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
