He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
