he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
