This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
