She's JV to your varsity
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
