hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
