very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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