my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
