So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
