I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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