We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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