its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
